I’ve given the e-bike plenty of time, watching it go from novelty to fixture in just a few years. And yet I remain unconverted. My problem isn’t the technology (they’re beautiful machines in many cases); it’s the 32-year-old fella ripping through the Mission District at 30 mph with a serene countenance. I say to this homeboy: get an acoustic bike. Work your quads. And if you won’t, at least get out of the bike lane.
If you recall, e-bikes arrived in the late 2010s with dockless bikeshare (e.g., JUMP) but really ramped during the COVID pandemic, hitting 1.1 million imports in 2022, exceeding electric cars.1
Surveys at Marin and San Mateo County middle and high schools found 88% and 87% of the devices weren’t legal e-bikes at all but rather basically motorcycles with decorative pedals.2
But maybe e-bikes are enabling pregnant women and/or the disabled or the poor to get around… Negative. A Portland State survey of North American owners found the market still dominated by white, male, affluent riders.3 Not to say there’s not a market beyond the core segment, but this is a rant about the 32-year-old in the corporate-branded fleece vest whose knees are perfectly fine and who’s casually barreling down John F. Kennedy Drive in Golden Gate Park at four o’clock on a Tuesday.
It’s worth qualifying which machines I’m talking about. California sorts e-bikes into three classes:4
| Class | How the motor works | Assist cuts out at | Reqs |
|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Pedal-assist only | 20 mph | Standard bike rules |
| 2 | Throttle; no pedaling required | 20 mph | Bike can be impounded if rider is under 16 |
| 3 | Pedal-assist only | 28 mph | Speedometer, helmet, riders 16+ |
Anything over 750 watts is already a moped or motorcycle, legally, not an e-bike. Nobody acts like it.
After my discovery of the bidet I’ve started wondering what else the Europeans have figured out that we haven’t and here’s another example: they do e-bike = pedal-only + 250 watts max (15.5 mph).
The Mineta Institute has recommended California move toward this model. Instead we got SB 1167, which stops sellers from calling e-motos e-bikes and does nothing about the guy already riding one.5
The labels are coming January 1. Until then, all I’m askin’ for is a little shame. The humble bicycle is a miracle of 19th-century engineering: no battery to catch fire, no app, no firmware update, no unlock code. Its top speed is determined entirely by how often you skipped leg day. And every hill in this city is a free quad workout.
So I will tolerate pedal-assist (with slightly turned-up nose). But full throttle? No way. You have two great options: either upgrade to a real motorcycle—I’d recommend Triumph—or get in shape by rockin’ an acoustic.
— ᴘ. ᴍ. ʙ.
California State Assembly, Committee on Transportation, AB 1557 (Papan): Vehicles: Electric Bicycles, bill analysis, April 20, 2026, 3. ↩
Assembly Committee on Transportation, AB 1557 Analysis, 5. ↩
Cameron Steven Bennett, “A Survey of North American Electric Bicycle Owners” (master’s thesis, Portland State University, 2024). ↩
Cal. Veh. Code § 312.5; summarized in Assembly Committee on Transportation, AB 1557 Analysis, 1–2, 6. ↩
Assembly Committee on Transportation, AB 1557 Analysis, 6; “California Signs into Law Legislation to Differentiate E-Motos from E-Bikes,” Bicycle Retailer and Industry News, October 1, 2026. ↩